


I Only Wish I Could Hear Your Voice...

by Hestia03



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bullying, Depression, F/M, School, Self Harm, Voice, deafness, hear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:33:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6763435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hestia03/pseuds/Hestia03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm Jacelyn.<br/>15 years old and hate my life.<br/>I'm bullied on a daily basis and lost my parents at age 5.<br/>I live with my adoptive mother now and you can judge all you want but it's not like I'll hear. I'm deaf- Yeah that's what I said..<br/>My life was normal- Well as normal as it could get until I met him.<br/>He was Interesting and soon.. I found myself falling for him..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Saved

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING!  
> Guys, this is a trigger story, please do not read if you are uncomfortable or will be triggered with bullying, self-harm etc.  
> Please, I repeat, this is a trigger story!

I'm Jacelyn.  
15 years old and hate my life.  
I'm bullied on a daily basis and so hurt that I simply find it normal.  
Most say I'm emotionless but how would you be if you saw both your parents die right in front of you at age 5?  
I live with my adoptive mother now and you can judge all you want but it's not like I'll hear.  
I can't hear a single thing due to a physical disorder in my eardrums also known as deafness- Yeah, that's what I said…

3rd Person P.O.V

Jacelyn walked into the building of hell also known as school- Her head hung low with her hoodie covering most of her face but alas, they recognized her. Almost immediately, people began to gather around calling her unflattering words but she ignored them looking down at her feet as she clutched her textbooks tightly walking to her locker.  
"Hey you @#$% *#@%$! You ignoring me now!?" a tall, bulky guy walked up angrily to her as he threw her against the nearby lockers roughly gripping her collar tightly as he pulled her up to him, their faces only centimeters apart.

"Never ignore me" he said coldly throwing a punch at her ribs, the air was knocked out of her as she dropped to the ground choking- Her books scattered the ground around her as other students laughed.

"Come on, let's show this little @#!$% not to mess with me" he smirked as more guys walked up to her rubbing their hands together as they threw kicks and punches at her mercilessly. She couldn’t hear what he was saying, her mind couldn’t comprehend the words escaping their mouths but her eyes did their best to translate as she read their lips.

Bruises and scratches covered Jacelyn’s body but she didn’t allow any tears to escape her eyes, perhaps she was so used to the pain that her body went numb every time she received a beating. She felt no pain but that didn’t mean her mind didn’t, every time an insult was thrown at her, every time she was kicked, punched or slapped- Her mind failed to respond and her will crumpled slowly, bit by bit until one day, she’ll lose herself.

Soon, the crowd departed as the bell resonated throughout the school, slowly, she sat up painfully, wincing as she tried to stand. Clutching her body as new bruises covered the old ones but still, no tears came. She slowly began to pick up her books collecting them in her arms, her eyes were now brimmed with the liquid that rarely ever came but still, she didn’t allow them to fall. She stood stumbling as she limped to class stumbling from side to side as she made way down the hallway to class.

Looking down, her hoodie now covering her eyes brimmed with tears that were threatening to fall when she hit into a figure, her body now weak and frail easily gave out as she dropped like a limp, lifeless body and just likely that, tears splattered the ground, she looked forward more tears now streaming down her face shamelessly as the figure called out her name but she didn’t respond- No, she didn’t even hear.

“Why me?” her already weak voice now broken she whispered, her voice barely audible as she sat there on the cold ground.

Kyan P.O.V

I stood there staring at the girl as her hoodie slipped down revealing her beautiful yet pale heart-shaped face. Her once cheerful, bright, sea green eyes now dull and sad and her once long, lovely, blonde hair now tangled, messy and short with the ends choppy as if she had cut it with a knife. Her body now supported bruises and cuts all over which she had tried to cover up with a jumper but failed.

I hadn’t seen her since primary school, to be honest, I never spoke to her or even knew her name but seeing her like this pained me. What did she do to deserve this treatment?  
Tears began streaming down her face as she looked forward helplessly not even caring to pick up her things.  
She whispered something inaudible but I heard, “Why?” Her voice sweet and kind but broken.

“Are you okay..?” I asked her although it was rather obvious she wasn’t- She didn’t reply although I didn’t expect her to but it seemed as if she hadn’t even heard me. She didn’t flinch or show any reaction, then what surprised me was she stood but still slightly shaking. Leaving her things behind, she limped towards the exit more tears splattering the ground.

“I never asked to be alive…” I caught her whispering as she held onto the handle pressing down when she dropped. My eyes widened as I realized I was frozen in place but quickly unfroze and pushed both of our things into my locker throwing it in randomly. I raced to her lifeless body and used my arms supporting under her neck and knees as I stood but faltered, she was light- Too light like a feather. Leaving my things behind along with hers, I left the school.

I looked around her pockets to find some sort of phone and eventually found one- Luckily an address was already inserted into her phone which I hoped was her house. Going as fast as I could, I ran following the address when I stopped at a large double-story house presenting the same address. I found some keys in her bag earlier and grabbed them just in case which now proved handy as I opened the front door peering inside.

No one was in so I entered and walked up the stairs trying to identify which was her room when I looked up and saw an arrow pointing to a hatch above. I placed her on the ground softly as I pulled the hatch down revealing a staircase- Her room was the whole attic. I got up there bringing her up and placing her in her bed before running downstairs to find a medical kit.

Jacelyn P.O.V

I gave up, I’m sorry for talking, I’m sorry for breathing, I’m sorry for being born, I’m sorry for existing.. I just give up!  
What did I ever do to deserve this? Was it because I couldn’t hear? Was that it?  
I didn’t care about the tears freely falling down my face anymore, I’m letting it all go, I’m not worth anything and no one would care if I died.

But I didn’t die, I lived- But why? Who would help me?


	2. You Don't Know Me At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Jacelyn.  
> 15 years old and hate my life.  
> I'm bullied on a daily basis and lost my parents at age 5.  
> I live with my adoptive mother now and you can judge all you want but it's not like I'll hear. I'm deaf- Yeah that's what I said..  
> My life was normal- Well as normal as it could get until I met him.  
> He was Interesting and soon.. I found myself falling for him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> Guys, this is a trigger story, please do not read if you are uncomfortable or will be triggered with bullying, self-harm etc.  
> Please, I repeat, this is a trigger story!

Jacelyn P.O.V

My eyes slowly open as I stared at the familiar ceiling- My room.  
I lay there still wishing that this were heaven… No, I didn’t even deserve heaven, I’m not honoured enough to be in the presence of god. Perhaps this were hell, surely there would be a punishment harsh enough to cleanse me of my sins.

A figure peered over me- A boy.  
He had unruly tousled almond hair and bright, caring, cheeky eyes a brilliant blue reflecting a sunny day sky but worry was visibly shown. He said something but obviously, I couldn’t hear but he seemed to be saying, ‘Are you okay?’ although I wasn’t sure, no one ever cared and my adoptive mother had my bionic ear for the day to fix.

I would say, ‘I’m okay’ but I’m done lying- I’m not okay, I feel so confused and broken that I wished you hadn’t helped. I kept silent looking down avoiding his gaze, I don’t have an answer and most of the time, and people only want to know because they’re curious- Not because they care.  
He said something else but still I couldn’t hear him, “Please leave” I whispered but he didn’t saying something else.

“Depression is like a war. You either win or die trying- Perhaps winning is too far away for me to reach now… Please just leave” I whispered, my voice breaking as I gripped my blanket so tightly that my knuckles turned white and slowly, he stood and left.

The moment the hatch shut, more tears fell as I tightened my jaw angry at myself. I'm just tired. Tired of trying. Tired of hoping. Tired of coping. Tired of breathing. Tired of existing. Tired of living. I'm done and yet he had to bring me back.

I don’t want to live in this world that was once so happy and peaceful to now, so full of painful memories.  
“I miss you so much… Mom… Dad” I whispered

* * * *

I lay there for the remaining 9 hours until 8 when my adoptive mother came home. Her car came up in the driveway, the light blinding me as I turned on my side watching her not moving still. She came in and went to my room as usual bursting in and slamming the light switch on.  
I still lay there staring up at the light not blinking or even flinching.

3rd Person P.O.V

“Jacelyn! Are you okay!? Oh my god, what happened!?” she exclaimed racing up to Jacelyn’s bed dropping her things on the floor carelessly but Jacelyn simply looked up at her ceiling as a single tear slipped down her cheek that she was unable to hold back. She turned over facing her, “I see you’re back, Ms Hear” she greeted although unable to hear the inaudible words coming out of her mouth.

 

Jacelyn P.O.V

I hated my surname… Hear. It was an insult for it is something I don’t possess and truly wish for- Something that could prevent my life as it is now.

Now calmed down, she stopped yelling and murmured something but of course, I couldn’t hear. I shook my head pointing at my ears but she simply looked at me shaking her head saying something slowly as I read her lips. The moment I understood, I froze…  
“What..? But that means I’ll never…” my voice trailed off as she mouthed sadly,  
‘-Be able to hear ever again…’

Again she spoke slowly for me to keep up, “When a girl cries, it's not usually over one thing. It's built up anger and emotions that she's been holding in for too long” she said looking at me.  
But I didn’t reply, just by those single words, my whole life came crashing down,  
“N- No…” I stood wincing biting my lip as I struggled to stand, the moment I regained my balance, I ran. The door was open wide as she didn’t shut it properly and I raced out.

I ran far from home as I heard her yelling as she chased me. I turned so many streets I had lost count until I stopped at house at a dead end. I was out of breath, my chest was heaving, my heart hurt and my body ached. I sat down on the side walk as tears freely streamed down my face, never before have I cried this much but the feeling was unbearable. I dug my head into my arms as I hugged my knees close to me crying, the cold wind stinging my face as I pulled my thin jumper closer to my body.

Someone walked up to me standing too close, but of course I hadn’t heard them.  
“Kill me now… No one would care either way” I muttered still looking down when a hand touched my shoulder but I shook it off. Looking up, I saw the familiar face from before, that boy.

He said something inaudible and I guessed lying wouldn’t do me any good,  
“I can’t hear” I whispered and he stopped saying something else which was probably “Why?”  
“It’s rather obvious and also none of your business unless you’re here to end my misery” I murmured and he still didn’t give up picking my up still in my position as before, hugging my knees close to me.

I looked up at him as I read his lips “You’re coming with me” he said firmly and I began to struggle, “No, like I’ll go with a stranger” I yelled and moved around but he pulled me in carrying me now like a sack no longer with my body rolled up in a ball on his shoulder with an arm holding my thin waist so I wouldn’t fall.

* * * *

“You kidnapped me” I muttered emotionlessly as he put me down in his garage, his parents not even hearing my calls of protest as I looked at him trying to figure out what he was saying.  
“I’m just trying to help-” he started but I cut him off

“You don't know what I've been through... The Childhood I've had. How much I hate myself. What I do to myself when I'm alone. How much I just want to give up. How much my heart hurts. How much I cry. How I’m so broken and hurt on the inside. You don't know me at all so just stop trying…” I whispered, my voice breaking as silent tears slipped down my cheeks and he stopped.

“I’ll help” he said and this time, I didn’t even need to translate-  
“They all say that and all of them ended up betraying me or running away. What makes you think I’ll trust you?” I whispered remembering the past I had.  
“Like I said” I looked up at him, my eyes red and puffy, “You don’t know me at all…”


	3. Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Jacelyn.  
> 15 years old and hate my life.  
> I'm bullied on a daily basis and lost my parents at age 5.  
> I live with my adoptive mother now and you can judge all you want but it's not like I'll hear. I'm deaf- Yeah that's what I said..  
> My life was normal- Well as normal as it could get until I met him.  
> He was Interesting and soon.. I found myself falling for him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!!  
> Guys, this is a trigger story, please do not read if you are uncomfortable or will be triggered with bullying, self-harm etc.  
> Please, this is a trigger story. Thanks

Kyan P.O.V

I truly didn’t know what to say, she was right, I didn’t know anything about her- Not even her name but something about her intrigued me. She made me want to know more, she was interesting… She was special. Whether she was deaf or not, she was still special in her own unique way.  
I thought for a moment before speaking up, “Very well, then I’ll take you home- I’m sure your parents must be worried” but she frowned and I decided to make this easier and pointed to myself then made a house shape with my hands and she understood.

“No, I don’t want to go home” she mumbled  
“Fine, then you’re staying here” I decided and grabbed her arm pulling her to my room  
“I don’t need to” she said her cheeks reddening and as did mine  
“I didn’t mean it like that!” she exclaimed, “I mean I can just stay on the streets- And what about your parents?”  
“You aren’t staying on the streets on my watch and my mom isn’t home until next week”

“What about your dad- Unless I missed that part”  
“I uh… Lost my dad… It was a car accident…” I murmured sadly looking down  
“I’m sorry but I guess now… We have one thing in common” she mumbled and I was shocked  
“You lost your dad in a car accident as well?” I asked but she didn’t say anything- Perhaps she hadn’t understood, “It’s erm… None of my business- Never mind” I said quickly.

“No… Its fine I guess. Probably better if I erm… Get it off my chest huh? Well, I actually lost both of my parents” we made way to my bed as we both sat down, “There was a car accident and I was only 5 years old, I was at the back and my parents were in the front. They were kind- The best parents I could ever ask for. We were driving and a car came up and hit us, my mom saw them coming and yelled, she undid her seatbelt and jumped at me and she took the hit for me. If it wasn’t for me…” her voice began to break as the tears began to fall once more, “…Then she would still be… Alive” she made out the final word turning to me as she burst into tears wetting my shirt but I didn’t care. She gripped my shirt so tightly her knuckles turned white as she cried into my shirt.

I patted her back comfortingly as I pulled her closer to me resting her head on my chest. Soon she fell asleep on me, my shirt stained with her tears as I lay her down on one side of my bed going to the bathroom to get a towel to clean her tear-stained face and changed. After I changed, I walked back but wasn’t sure where exactly to sleep.  
I lay down next to her on the other side of the bed and placing a body pillow between us before nodding off.

~Time Skip – Next Morning~ Jacelyn P.O.V

I woke up the scent of maple syrup hitting me as I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar room. I frowned looking around, “Where am I?”  
I left the room and walked out slowly watching my surroundings as I followed the scent to the kitchen where a boy sat enjoying a stack of pancakes drowning in too much maple syrup. He saw me and smiled as I began to remember who he was and what had happened yesterday.  
“I need to go…” I said and his face dropped for a split second before returning to his usual smile as he nodded. I left the house walking aimlessly as flyers flew past me, I snatched one out of the air and my eyes widened as I realised it had my name on it with large bold print, ‘MISSING!’

I sighed as I followed the trail of flyers all the way to the familiar street I walked to my home. The moment I peered through the door, I Ms Hear and she turned to me, her eyes full of worry and care widened and she ran to me pulling me into a hug muttering over and over again the usual things that I would mostly expect her to say,

‘Are you okay?’  
‘Where did you stay last night?’  
‘What happened yesterday?’  
‘Why did you run away?’  
‘I missed you so much’  
‘I was afraid you were going to get abducted’  
The usual.

“I’m fine, Ms Hear” I muttered  
“Jacelyn, just call me mom, okay? I know I can never replace your mother but please.” She said slowly as I followed along and nodded.  
“O- Okay… mom” I murmured, I hadn’t said that word since I was 5.  
“I’m guessing you don’t want to go to school anymore, dear?” she asked slowly pulling out of the hug and holding me by my shoulders at arm’s length and I nodded,  
“Okay, whatever you want, but just don’t run away like that ever again, okay?” and I nodded once again looking down.

“Well would you like to be home-schooled?” she asked slowly and I wasn’t sure if I had heard her right, Home-School?  
I quickly shook my head, whether I was deaf or not, I was still smart and actually listen in classes. She nodded, “Well if you ever change your mind…” she left the sentence hanging and I understood nodding.  
“I’m gonna’ go for a walk now” I said and left.

* * * *

I took turns and curves and steep hills just walking around, no more school should be a happy things for most kids but it wasn’t what I wanted, for once, I missed the beatings. Perhaps it’s the one thing that keeps me close to other people whether in a bad way or good way. I feel too clean without them, I deserve much worse than this- Cutting…  
That was the thing I think of all the time, I’d stopped for some time but now… I’m just not sure. I reached into my back pocket where I kept a blade.

I don’t care about cutting a vein, I hope to die either way. I sit on a log with no one around, they were all at school of course. Slowly, I removed the blade, the silver glistening in the sun- It was so happy raining down on my sorrow from within as I brought the blade down squeezing my eyes shut as the silver, cold, sharp blade pressed against my soft vulnerable flesh…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Jacelyn.  
> 15 years old and hate my life.  
> I'm bullied on a daily basis and lost my parents at age 5.  
> I live with my adoptive mother now and you can judge all you want but it's not like I'll hear. I'm deaf- Yeah that's what I said..  
> My life was normal- Well as normal as it could get until I met him.  
> He was Interesting and soon.. I found myself falling for him..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!  
> Guys, this is a trigger story, please do not read if you are uncomfortable or will be triggered with bullying, self-harm etc.  
> Please, I repeat, this is a trigger story!

Jacelyn P.O.V

Deep crimson liquid seeped from my wound as my skin was pierced and ripped apart- I felt no pain as it travelled down my arm to the crevices of my elbow where a pool of blood lay motionless like my feelings.  
Removing the blade from my flesh I pressed it once more next to the cut I pushed it deeper in more fresh blood seeping from the wound as the blood stained to my clothing when I saw the silhouette of a figure behind me.  
I hoped that they would mind their own business and leave me alone- No one should care, I’m not worth it. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears travelled down, “Leave me” I whispered but what happened next surprised me.

The figure was the boy from before, he threw himself at me pulling me into a hug as he slapped the blade from my grasp. I felt like bursting into tears as he held me tightly murmuring inaudible words in my ear as I cried into his shoulder.  
I can’t do this, I didn’t understand why I was so emotional yesterday until it hit me- Yesterday was the day of my parent’s death. The day of the accident when my whole life came crumbling down.

I remember it was today from 7 years ago that I stood in the cemetery looking down at the lifeless bodies of my parents. Their pale complexion, their emotionless faces and simply them… Dead…  
I hated wearing black, it wasn’t the right colour- My parents were cheerful and always happy. So why black? They would want bright colours not depressing colours. Black is the colour of sadness and mourning and that I provided plenty of. After that, none of my relatives wanted me, they said I was cursed, they wondered why I hadn’t died along with them and believe, I would if I could.

I was then brought to an orphanage where my Ms Hear adopted me, she was kind and had lost her husband years ago but she couldn’t fill the gap that my parents had left in my soul. They would always have a place in my heart but my soul is another thing…

“Th.. They died… Yesterday- I remember... Now…” I stuttered, my voice breaking as I burst into tears. He patted my back comfortingly but something changed, he hesitated for a moment- I wonder what it was…  
I felt exhausted by the time he picked me up bridal-style, I held out my fingers in front of me. They were a sickly shade of pale white- Perhaps I was to die from blood-loss… That would be better than living in this world.  
I looked up at the sun ignoring it’s blinding light- “It’s so bright” I whispered, “Like a fire in the Hearth at home- So beautiful… But so painful as well…” I whispered my eyes slowly closing.  
“No, don’t close your eyes” he mouthed and I failed to nod as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. My breathing sparse as I felt him running before I was fully unconscious.

Kyan P.O.V

”No, no, no, no” I panicked as her eyes closed, I quickly began to race home- I should have gotten back home earlier… But I hesitated…  
What she said, “Th.. They died… Yesterday- I remember... Now…” It bothered me because yesterday was also the day I lost my parents 5 years ago… Just like her.  
Then now that I think of it, I remember a little girl with blonde hair and green eyes just like her if matured. It couldn’t be that though, could it?  
No one was faulted on the accident, I still remember when mom brought me to Court- Apparently it was because of the traffic lights. Both sides had issues with the lights and they went at the same time resulting in a crash. I had lost my father in the accident, just when we were about to crash, he swerved to the side taking the whole blow and lost his life but so did the car we hit into. A male and a female…  
I was taken out from the car and caught a glimpse of a little girl and if she were the girl…

I hadn’t even realised it when I had already arrived at my house, I raced in laying her on my bed before running out to get my medical kit again.

* * * *

Soon she was all bandaged up- I wanted to take her to the hospital but wasn’t sure if she’d appreciate the gesture.  
I guess the saying was true, ‘Why would I cut where you could see?’ Because indeed I saw many cuts but none visible from the outside. I waited as she slept sitting on a chair beside her, my head in my hands as I thought about the incident 5 years before. We never really acknowledged this day, what was to memorize of a day so full of grief?  
I sighed heavily, I try so hard to use humour to hide away the pain when at times I just need to confide with someone. I just need to express my emotions but to whom?

Jacelyn P.O.V

My eyes fluttered open as I took in a deep breath, it was the second time I had woken up in this room. I turned to my side to see the guy asleep in his arms- Come to think of it, I had never asked for his name yet he seemed so familiar as if I had seen him in the past before. He was interesting and intrigued me in a way. I sat up and winced looking down cursing, he’d taken off my jumper and he must’ve seen the cuts…

I ignored the thought, it didn’t matter, perhaps I did trust him… I stood, slightly shaking walking over to him as I hauled him onto the bed. Looking back, I left shutting the door behind me as quietly as possible.


End file.
